Tactic #4: Blog and Tweet irregularly

By the time you read this, I will be gone.

Tactic #3: TRAIN MIXUP!

Instead of going home after work I normally do, I will instead do the following:

1. Board the Brooklyn bound 4 train
2. Take this train to the Franklin Avenue Stop
3. Tranfer at Franklin to the Brooklyn Shuttle northbound
4. Depart the shuttle at Park Place stop
5. Walk West until I hit the 7 Av stop for the Q train
6. Take the Q Train up to it's last stop at 57th street
7. Transfer to the N Train going in the opposite direction
8. Get on the L train brooklyn bound at Union Square
9. Take the L Train to Graham Street
10. Backtrack to the G line
11. Take the G line up to Long Island City Court Sq
12. Transfer to the 7 train Queens-bound
13. Get off at Bliss Street
14. Hang out.
15. Walk home.

Un-traceable.

Tactic #2: Log into Loopt and give my phone to a homeless man

This tactic is fool proof. I have set up an account in Four-Square and an account in Loopt and hooked them up with my iPhone. These will then communicate with GPS satellites around the globe and in space and will give all people who follow me via these programs my exact location at almost any given time.

That is step one.

I will then give my iPhone to a homeless man who likes to move around. I'm hoping the neat guy on the A-Train that sometimes sings "It's getting hot in here." He will be my avatar and will be able to move around separate from me and give my assassin all the tools they need to find not me. I will in turn carry a pager and use pay phones.

Foolproof.

A note to all my friends who are trying to call me: I am unavailable right now, you can buzz my pager, and if you do call me I hope you enjoy the rendition of "It's getting hot in here."

Tactic #1: Create a blog of fake (or are they) tactics

First off, I need to make it blatantly clear that I am following none of these tactics... why on Earth would I make a blog telling my would-be assassin all of my hiding places and all of my tactics? Do I look like an idiot?

Yes.

But I don't act like one.

A note to my assassin: None of the tactics on this blog are real in anyway... and this includes this tactic, tactic number 1. It's not real. Which means it's real. But that, in turn, means it's not real...

If I were to illustrate this blog it would be this:


I am a waterfall. I am invincible.